How do you move on when the world has stopped. Everything I had lived for had suddenly vanished and left me alone. Alone. I hadn't been by myself in over a thousand years and now even though I was surrounded by beating hearts not one of them I could claim for myself. Some how i thought japan would be my savior, that I would come to this peaceful place and forget. Wash away my worries and cares. I had seen Zoe drown herself in beverages and plaster herself to her bed for months at a time. Now I knew, I understood. I had comforted her over and over through the last 600 years but now thinking back on those times I realized I never did truly feel her pain. How could I? She was human she loved and lost over and over. I had compared her love for her children to my care for my donors.
Donor. I had come all the way back to Japan for something I could no longer take from them. Sure the Takahashi willing handed me my donor, but there was no desire for him no drive like there once had been. My body yearned for blood and I took it. I drowned myself in it. I didn't linger to look after him I couldn't even seem to think his name. Names were painful. Each name brought with it emotion and each emotion brought up new names. Names with faces, faces filled with sorrow, lust and betrayal. I growled and jumped out from the porch shedding my kimono as I ran. My anger flared with each step till finally it peeked and red flames engulfed my sight. I feel writhing in agony. I use to count the minutes I laid on the moist ground. Now I burned freely. I hated each scorching sting, but I hated him even more. I cursed in every language I knew as more brilliant red sparks shot up around me. Time didn't exist here on the ground and eventually my screaming stopped but each time it longer to get up. I knew tomorrow would be just has hard and painful as today but the wet earth beckoned me to stay. Here I didn't have to face their pity filled eyes, their lush beating hearts, even their whispers tormented my ears. The earth gave me none of those, but even it gave me pain in the end so I stood and went to satisfy my thirst again starting the process all over. Every day seemed to pass like da-javu but the walk back was always the worst. The pain I could handle I grew more use to it everyday. It left me weak and no matter how much earlier I had feed the earth left me thirsty for more.
The soft mud and green patches of grass faintly triggered the boy's dirt covered image then his scent would course through my mind throwing an overwhelming desire of need through my throat. The earth mocked me as it tried to mimic his delicious smell and I knew then it was only a matter of days if not hours before I would be here again taking this walk of shame.

That was Pan's torment after her and issac's breakup, and her finding out seth's singer scent for the first time.